im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize