No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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