she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
