We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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