How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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