I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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