if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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