I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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