i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
