Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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