Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
