I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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