Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
