We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
