I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
