Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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