Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
