Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
