you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
