i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
