I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
