I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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