His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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