someone get that fucking seahorse.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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