At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
