She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
