Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
