The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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