So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
