I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My breasts were aching with rage.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
