a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
