The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
