We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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