Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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