I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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