you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
