take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
