well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
