if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
