even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
