Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
