I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
