Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
