her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My day in three words: secret purse cake
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
