I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
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