you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
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he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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