Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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