Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
