I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
