How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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