he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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