dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
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Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
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I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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