i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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