dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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