I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
