Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
