Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
