do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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