her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
