We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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