Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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