On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
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I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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